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7 Things to Consider Before You Get
Married
You want a rewarding and fulfilling
marriage? You can have one, but you need a dose of reality
first. Here are things you need to say “I do” to before
walking down the aisle…
Do you have a sense of humour?
A sense of humour is vital, and the first person you have to
laugh at is yourself. Consider this- men and women have to
hook up on some level to propagate the species, proving God
has a sense of humour. He obviously assumed we would too.
Do you know you’ll have to
work? Hard?
I asked the opinion of dozens of
women for this topic, and the feedback was unanimous. You
have to be willing to work. Some women think if you’re a
perfect match, your marriage shouldn’t be work. Those people
are called divorcees. It’s true your marriage shouldn’t be
work every hour of every day, but there will be days when
your marriage will require extra energy (a term I prefer
over “work”). Like Grandpa used to say, anything worth
having is worth working for. Welcome to Marriage
Do you realize marriage is not
50/50?
Gotcha! You figure you’ll give half,
he’ll give half and you’ll meet somewhere in the middle. You
poor, poor dear. The reality is, there will be some days
you’ll give 90% and you may or may not get 10% back. There
may be weeks or months that pass with the scales out of
whack. Remember- you committed your whole life to him, and
in your lifetime the scales will shift back in your favour.
Interestingly, the scales will align faster if you abandon
the scorecard and self-pity.
Do you have a general
acceptance of your significant other’s shortcomings?
Does he leave the toilet seat up? Get over it. Are his table
manners a fright? Look the other way. Is he a tight-wad? You
better be at one with strict budgets. Try seeing your new
hubby’s annoying habits as endearing. In addition to his
positive traits, his quirks make him who he is. Figure out a
way to truly accept the whole package- the good, the bad and
the ugly.
Do you have expectations of
your marriage or soon-to-be-spouse?
If you said
“I do” to this one, start goggling divorce attorneys now.
Fundamental expectations like being treated well, being
faithful, or being honest are covered by your wedding vows.
If you want a long lasting marriage, let go of any romance
novel or Lifetime movie expectations you have. The men in
Hollywood are actors. Real men, generally speaking, are not
geared for romance and eloquent, loving speeches. With this
attitude, you’ll better enjoy the thoughtful little things
your new husband does. Lowered expectations and happily ever
after go hand in hand.
Do you know comparisons are a
death sentence for marriages?
Like fingerprints,
marriages are unique and specific to the two individuals
involved and the one-of-a-kind bond they create. Instead of
scowling at your husband when your friend brags about the
romantic vacation her husband took her on, just smile. Maybe
your friend left out how her husband ogled other women on
the beach or said something at dinner that made her cry. You
never know what goes on behind closed doors- be secure in
what you and your husband share and the knowledge that it
works for you.
Do you know your fiancé is
bilingual?
Read a couple books about how men
communicate or have a sit-down with your aunts and grandma.
We think we grasp the Men are From Mars, Women are From
Venus concept, but we don’t. He may not say “I love you” 14
times a day, but he might fill your car when it’s out of
gas, maybe he’ll cover you with a blanket when you’re cold,
he may bring you a glass of wine when you’re in the tub, or
he might listen to stories about the kids when he just wants
to crawl in a hole and go to sleep. You have to learn to
read, understand and appreciate man-speak.
In order for a marriage to be
successful, reality can’t be sugar-coated. Long term
commitments are not for the faint of heart. A lasting union
takes a great deal of love, patience, true grit and guts.
The benefits are countless. I’ll leave you to discover those
on your own.
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